Updated: Aug 13
Marriage Is Work!
It is hard explaining to couples who are dating that the things that seem so “natural” will NOT always be. In the first few years of marriage, you couldn’t keep us apart. We were attached at the hip and we wanted to be. He was the sexiest man in the world and of course he knew he had hit the jackpot! Ha! Intimacy was easy, nothing was a deterrent. Headache, tiredness, work, ministry commitments, children, arguments, even stinky breath didn’t matter and therefore it was ALWAYS on like Donkey Kong! After some time, these same factors became issues that we had to work through.
On social media there is such a misrepresentation of intimacy within relationships. Pictures do lie! The truth is this, healthy intimacy will become a challenge when married and the trivial idea of setting the mood will be a purposeful intent as your marriage matures. Setting the mood will prove to be one of many tasks that is considered "work" especially in Christian marriage!
Let’s talk about Sex
Sex will be a struggle or less desirable at some time or another when married. The reason for this is because intimacy is required in a healthy marriage and many things come to disrupt it. A Christian marriage is attacked more than a worldly marriage because the complete marital idea was created by God and ordained by God. Anything that God is for, the enemy is against.
To understand why sex is so important in a Christian marriage, we have to understand what God intended when he created sex. Sex can be misused and in very bad ways, but sex in marriage was created by God and is extremely good. One reason God created sex for a husband and wife was so that it can be a physical expression of their love for one another.
It’s one thing to love your spouse. It’s an entirely different thing to express that love to your spouse. How can you help your spouse feel the love you have for them in your heart? One way is sex. God blessed a husband and wife with a beautiful outlet for the love that is within them. Sex is far more than a physical exercise. In marriage it is meant to be a place where the inner love for your spouse can be expressed in a physical way that the person feels. Sex is the place in marriage where the spiritual meets the physical in a beautiful expression of love.
More reasons for why FREQUENT and YES, I did say frequent sex is a necessity, is because it is meant to bond you with your spouse. It is also explicitly mentioned in the Bible that having sex in marriage will protect you from pursuing sexual immorality outside of marriage.
Let’s have SEX then…….
This is easier said than done. I mentioned obstacles that present themselves but in addition to those challenges, another challenge that makes coming together not so desirable are some of the beliefs we may struggle with. My husband and I knew that sex was important but it sometimes felt more like a chore. This is where setting the mood comes into play but this was a concept that was hard to swallow. We were in some ways taught to believe that it should just happen and the love you have for one another should be enough to make it happen. We thought that everything had to implement church because that was what Christianity was all about…..Right? I know it sounds silly but I am so serious! We were young newlyweds thinking that mood setting was anti God if it didn’t incorporate church or “deep” “spiritual” factors. These thoughts were hindering the important design of intimacy that God created.
Let me tell you something that was told to me by a trusted older woman that was once in my circle. I believe this will help you understand this picture I’m trying to paint. The woman told me that because of her upbringing and the beliefs she had, she and her husband had sex with their clothes on, with the lights on, and slept in separate beds………………………
Now, lets all take a breath, think about all that has been said so far, and let us know your thoughts. We will pick up on the rest of THIS story and discussion on our next Podcast. We will post the link on social media and in this blog when it airs.