What do you do when you trusted in someone and they betray you? What is it to be betrayed?
I remember when I shared some delicate personal information at a time with someone who I just knew wouldn’t say anything, my friend, so I thought. One day my friend and I were in a disagreement and we ended up in a shouting match and before I knew it he was shouting my secret out loud out of anger. It hurt me so bad, I swore never to trust anyone! I didn’t care who they were or who their momma and daddy was! I was through taking chances on trusting anyone.
I felt exposed. It was like I was on a stage and the crowd was laughing at me and there was no exit but as if I had to stand there and take it. All I could think about was how stupid I was to believe I could trust that individual. Just because someone is older than you doesn’t make them mature. You see I shared being violated by an older lady with that individual and in frustration they through it in my face IN FRONT OF A CROWD! My emotions were so unstable at that time and that’s when I swore never to share who I was really with anyone ever again. I begin to grow in fear of others because I felt people were fake and cruel. It’s amazing how you place everyone in a box when you are hurt.
On another instance when I was in my teen years my friend hit on my girlfriend (who was Monica) and when she told me I didn’t want to believe it because it hurt but I knew how he was and I felt betrayed. I lived trapped. I was a prisoner of my own thoughts. I remember before Monica and I married I began to draw up from her because I felt if these individuals could do that to me, Monica would probably hurt me as well. I looked for her to hurt me and couldn’t trust her as much as I tried. She never did anything to deserve me to be skeptical of her intentions. She was experiencing the decaying thoughts of someone who had polluted thinking. I wanted to love and share with her but then I would close up out of fear and pain because I assumed she was about to hurt me. These were some of the thoughts that helped to keep me trapped in frustration, fear of having friends.
How did I get over it? Honestly it took time. First I had to admit I wasn’t wrong for being upset because what was done and said was wrong. It took years for me to get to this point. Don’t allow years to pass it can cause unhealthy growth. I had to finally admit that I felt betrayed. I had to forgive. I also learned through time that I had to stop placing my total confidence in people as if they wouldn’t hurt me. One thing that I have learned in my relationship with Jesus Christ is that He brings healing through prayer. He hears my cry. He doesn’t hear me share my heart and then look to destroy me with the information. Never assume all have your best interest at heart. Never assume that someone can’t hurt you. There are those that will try to use you and then there are those that want to genuinely help you. Christ can and will show you the difference.
Also, God showed me something. Judas was a disciple that betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. Even though I was betrayed and treated unfairly, I have mistreated and betrayed people in my past sometimes out of pay back and realize you can reap what you sow. Even though I was hurt by the betrayal it never excused hurting others. I knew that I needed to be healed from the thoughts of the hurt that it caused. Jesus dealt with betrayal and didn’t retaliate. Looking to Jesus has helped me to overcome the pain of others even when they smile in your face and walk out on you. Jesus will be there.