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I'm Married and STILL Lonely

If there’s one thing worse than a miserable, lonely single person, it’s a miserable, lonely married person. The irony is that no husband or wife marries with the intention of being isolated from their spouse. Most people believe that marriage is the cure for loneliness. This is one of the biggest myths regarding marriage!

Marriage, by its very definition, is the joining of two separate lives into one unified family.  Two become one on a spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical level.  God designed it this way.  So, how is it that some people find themselves in a lonely marriage? It all begins with one or both partners believing a BIG lie.

We live in a society that applauds independence and the notion of achieving success all by ourselves.  We are often groomed to do whatever it takes to protect ourselves because “no one else will”.  Being independent and self-sufficient is certainly not a bad thing in and of itself, but it can lead to problems down the road.

What is this big lie? It is the belief that we don’t NEED each other…that we can live our lives as if we were never married and everything will be ok. Couples may think that functioning in this manner is better than divorce BUT this is a BIG LIE that sends husbands and wives into a lonely marital existence for years, and some even decide to call it quits.

I believe that isolation is Satan’s chief strategy for destroying marriage. Like a terminal virus, isolation invades your marriage silently, slowly, and painlessly at first. By the time you become aware of its insidious effects, it can be too late. Isolation is a tool Satan uses to make resentment, bitterness and adultery a welcomed participant in your marriage.

Signs of Isolation

  • Feeling that your spouse isn’t hearing you and doesn’t understand.

  • Having attitudes of, “Who cares?” “Why try?”

  • Sensing that he’s detached from you.

  • Feeling that she’s going her own way.

  • Refusing to cope with reality: “That’s your problem, not mine.”

  • Keeping the peace to avoid the conflict rather than experiencing the pain of dealing with reality.

I know from experience that couples will present a happy facade, keeping house and playing at marriage while real needs go unmet. Unmet needs indicate the presence of isolation in a marriage, and slipping into a state of isolation may seem to offer protection and self-preservation. Although silence feels like a security blanket, it is very deceptive.

Getting back to where you got off track is the key. It may seem like an impossible task when you realize how off track your marriage really, especially when “things” have crept in.  Know that there is hope! Finding the source of all these emotions and feelings will be the key to moving towards a more healthy marriage.

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